The Piano, chp Two.

Am i meant to feel so... i can't describe it. It's like i'm empty, but at the same time i couldn't have more things running through my head. As if i'm not completely whole. I should be able to decifer this feeling, or the numbness; i've have had it for days now. Ever since Renwicks.

Every night i've spent recovering since then has been spent like this one; lying in my bed thinking about him, about Jace. My sketchpad's still in my hands too, and everytime it is the angel atop the skyscraper that captivates me. It mesmorises me. Night after night i sit here til the early hours of the morning and imagine how he looks like sleeping, what he dreams of... and then i think of the logical things like 'he's thinking about the waitress' or deciding on which number to call first; the sexy blonde who smiled or that girl he winked at on the train. It pains me every time, but it will help cure this thing i feel... wont it?

Who knows.

I pull my hands down from above my head on the pillow and prop myself up so i'm sitting cross-legged on my bed.

No, the bed. I dont belong here, and this isn't my bed.

I shake my head and run my fingers through my red hair, since i know it's going to be all messy from tossing and turning. Slightly able to straighten the tendrils of curls i turn my head towards the sketchpad, still threading my hair through my fingers. It was still open at the page. Im pretty sure its already become a habit of mine too. Instead of a normal person's habit such as checking the windows and doors are locked, i sit down and uncover the book and automatically find the page where the drawing is and make sure nothing is smudged or worse; gone.

But that's impossible. As if he's just going to get up and go walk straight out of my life! I'm not going anywhere because i still have to help my mother. And then there's that whole issue that Valentine is my father. I have to make sure mum recovers so that she can tell me it isn't true; that Jace and i are not related. I just need my mum. I need her to tell me what to do, to guide me through this stage of my life where nothing at all makes sense and i need her to wake up and be with me. It's my main goal. Jace's are definitely not the same as mine, but the fact that Valentine is back and demons are appearing out of every corner and ally in the streets is reason enough for him to stay.. surely.

I glance over at the little digital clock pushed to the back of my bedside table behind the lamp, a glass of half empty water, and my pencil case. It was always hard for me to get to sleep with the red flash of the numbers creating an irritating distraction, so i put everything on the surface in front of the light, which is why i had to heave myself up into a kneeling position to see the time. It's just after midnight.

Leaning back down against my heels i bite the side of my bottom lip, like i normally do when im stuck for what to do next. Looking down at the protruding bone of my knees i fumble around with my fingers in my lap.

It is really late, and he has been looking really tired lately... maybe if i go and just... take a look. Peek inside his room and see that he's still there sleeping and then creep back here. No one will notice, they're all sleeping soundly im sure.

I lift my gaze back to the clock and then slide it to the door. Clock, door, clock, door... Ok i'm going.

Hitting the floor with a little more sound than i would have preferred, my feet carried me through and out into the marbe hallways with towering curtains and vague paintings of landscapes on the wall. Trying not to be too hasty, i hug my arms around my chest and change between jogging and walking until i turn the corner and reach the third door on the right.

I checked that no one was following me, or awake from my footsteps and grasped the handle... and froze. I could feel my heart beating through my ribs and a smile playing about the sides of my lips. I'll finally see what Jace looks like sleeping.

The handle turns and doesnt even creek as it slides open.

My heart that was pumping blood so fast came to a stand still and i breathed out a sudden rush of air, my stance faultering for a moment.

He's gone.

But he can't have. Everything is still here. Gaining feeling back in my legs i move into the room and sit down in the middle of the bed, running my fingers across the doona spread. There are still crinkles in the sheets. If Jace had truly gone he would have made sure everything was spotless and neat so no one could find him.

I'm really not going to be able to sleep tonight until i find him. I have to see Jace, i don't care if he pushes me away. I just have to see him and know he's still here.

Once again i pull myself off a bed and out the door, not bothering to close it as i run down the corridors. I run down up the stairs and into the greenhouse, but he isn't there. The moonlight and the flowers of Iris seem dull and lifeless without him here with me, and the numbness in my stomach only grows. Racing down the steps i make my way into the kitchen, but the light isn't even on. Jace is arrogant enough to not bother if turning the light on would wake anyone up, so i dont even bother with the last six metres into the kitchen. The library maybe? It's a bit further away, but he could be there reading.

The marble walls aren't too easy to make out, even with the random spots of light. Was i meant to turn left the first time or the second? I cant remember.. great.

I scan the walls for some familiar painting or a stairwell. Nope, haven't seen that one before, no.. wow that's a nice-- shh! focus Clary. Listen.

Music. It's a piano. But i didnt think the library was near here?

My heart gave a little flutter and my feet followed the directions my ears were sending them. It's only a little bit further.. right, here.

I round a final corner and come across a slightly open wooden door. The music was beautiful, and i couldn't remember where i'd heard the song before. This version of it sounded different though... sadder. As if the life had been sucked out of the notes and the remaining ones were calling out to all those lost in the many bars and sheets of the melody.

Placing my hand up against the open door i breathe in deeply for any ounce of courage left in the surrounding air and pushed it open, exposing the person playing the piano's song.

Jace..